Communication is the true life source of relationships. Keep it going and do it effectively, and you will overcome the obstacles all couples face, and after each victory, you’ll be even closer. If you find that you never fight or argue, that’s great, but be careful, because it may be a sign that you’re not fully communicating with each other in order to “keep the peace.”
If you can’t communicate with your partner, how can you cultivate a sense of closeness and love? Communication problems often lead to relationship issues, which is no great surprise.
Still, basic communication challenges often lead to broken relationships. It makes you wonder what everyone’s doing wrong.
Try to be unique in asking personal questions
“How was your day?”
There’s nothing implicitly wrong with the above question. But, if repeated frequently, it lacks sincerity and shows a lack of effort. When you say something canned, it implies you’re doing it as of social duty, like nodding your head when you accidentally lock eyes with someone.
Try asking things like, “Did you Miss me or you were busy in learning anything new today?” or, “What made you smile today?”
The latter question is especially poignant because it shows that you’re taking an active interest in their emotional well-being,
- 2.Not stating the obvious
“I love you. Your beauty is what makes the birds sing (obviously).”
Sometimes, we need to hear the obvious. It’s not enough to tell someone you love them once, because later they’ll wonder, “But how about now?” The same goes for compliments. When our needs aren’t being met, we’ll look for it in other places, which can be a slippery slope.
- 3.Mindful listening
So often in fights, each person is waiting for the other person to stop talking (or yelling) so that they can get their own words in. Both are typically holding strong to their stance and trying to get the other person to see just how wrong they are.
What does it look like when couples infuse mindfulness into the way they argue? If a couple can shift to becoming aware of and focused on what their partner is saying and really trying to understand their perspective and feelings, they gain the ability to empathize with one another. And empathy can shut down any fight. When we feel the pain and emotions that our loved one is experiencing, we’re better able to release our anger, resentment, or defensiveness and really work toward a mutual solution or understanding.
Now, empathy can only be achieved if both people are truly present and listening mindfully to what the other is saying.
Here’s how it works: One partner gets the talking stick first. They can speak their mind on the issue at hand, and then when finished, the person should listen and understand what their partner was saying. This can be a forced process at first for the listener, but it really does push them to stop thinking about themselves and their point of view and to put themselves in the shoes of their partner. The same process should for the 2nd person to gave chance to speak and make other person understand the issues.
Mindfulness…the key to shutting down fights in a relationship absolutely.
- 4.Resentment clear-outs.
Like anything else, relationships naturally experience ebbs and flows. There are times when one partner feels like they are carrying most of the weight while the other seems to be floating along. There is nothing wrong with someone putting in most of the effort while their partner enters Starts new business, starts a new job, or is managing difficult family matters. However, no one person can hold up a relationship by themselves for too long; it’s not sustainable, nor is it healthy or fair. When someone feels like they have been caught in the role of keeping the pair afloat for too long, tension can build. Resentments tally up, and mild irritations begin to feel like major infractions.
Try scheduling time to share thoughts or tough emotions you are withholding with your partner. After one person expresses their grievances, set a timer for the other person to respond. Another approach is to write a letter introducing topics and feelings, and then set aside a time to speak. The idea is to be open, receptive, and ready to clear the way for understanding and problem-solving. When done on a regular basis, this habit can drastically reduce the kind of day-to-day bickering that leads to larger and more dramatic conflicts.
- 5.The praise sandwich.
Most of us feel more comfortable offering praise than criticism. Yet, on a regular basis, it’s the praise that falls by the wayside while we shoot off quick criticisms or reminders throughout the day. It’s an easy pattern to find yourself in; most couples are so busy with work, social obligations, managing a household, or raising a family that they overlook what all those seemingly innocuous comments add up to over time: feeling unappreciated.
To offset this buildup of negative energy, try using a “praise sandwich” when you have a complaint and offer a bit of constructive feedback to your partner at the same time. For instance, “I love that you think ahead and make plans with our friends. We always have so much fun.” Then mention what you’d like to be done differently.